I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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