i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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