Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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