You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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