Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
