I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
