I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
