Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
