I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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