I just pynch a tree in the face
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
birth control should be required to get into college
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
