the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My ass is underappreciated
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
