i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
