ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
