When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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