Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
