Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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