Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
