My liver just broke up with me...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
