Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
