I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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