So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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