If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We left the knife in your bed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
