if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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