New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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