Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
