Sry I called you an 8
Someone shit on the floor
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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