video games are the ultimate cock blocker
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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