ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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