Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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