it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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