I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
