I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
