i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
