he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
