i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
