I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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