I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
