This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
