pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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