I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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