I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
