Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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