Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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