just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
