Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
