After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
