Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
