wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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