I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
