anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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