turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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