You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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